No matter what, your life is set up for something other than your true purpose. Wouldn't it be great if you popped out of the womb and said, "Hi, I'm me, and I'm on the earth to be a writer? Please keep this goal in mind as you raise me, and be warned that all interactions with me may one day be recorded on paper and published for public consumption."
Instead, your life is planned out for you as you float in your watery waiting room. Maybe you are born to give meaning to someone's life, or you are the last chance to save a doomed marriage. You may be meant to fix someone's mistakes from the past, or your life may be overshadowed by the idea that you are the mistake. Your parents commit to raising you differently from how they were raised, grandparents anticipate the chance to correct their mistakes, and others lay odds at your success based on your circumstances. Every person your birth touches waits for your arrival with a dream of your existence.
It's all-natural, but it comes with a cost - your identity is being formed for you. You will be judged by other people's expectations the moment you enter the world. "She's going to be a handful." "He'll always be a sickly child." The precious you, who is new, will be scrutinized and given other people's qualities. "She's moody, just like her father." "He's not as chubby as his brother."
You will be swaddled in expectations and qualifications. You will be instantly limited without much thought about your actual needs, desires and feelings. The holy spark of purpose will be buried under the bushels of other people's need for you to be a certain way. The fears and dreams of your family will melt into your soul before you even figure out how to cry out for food.
Is it fair? Who knows? It is definitely the human condition. I guess the struggle out of those wrappings makes us strong if it doesn't kill us. The first year of fragile dependency defines for us our relationship with the world outside. Does it feel fearful? Chaotic? Calm? Hopeful? As we grow, our rational mind tries to comprehend our imprinted feelings. Does it fit the circumstances? How do we know? Our place in our family now becomes defined by the stories they tell us about ourselves. Are we tomboys, daddygirls or prissy girls? If male, we may be smart alecs, momma boys or troublemakers. We become our labels, and our identities are strengthened by the stories they keep retelling. But is it true?
You never get a second chance. No one ever stops to say, "Maybe we were wrong". Every time we get together with our family members, we should approach it as if we were doing a job interview. We should ask and be prepared to answer the ten most often asked job interview questions:
1. Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
2. What do you know about our family?
3. What three words best describe your personality?
4. What are your strengths?
5. What are your weaknesses?
6. Tell us about a recent success?
7. How did you handle a recent failure?
8. What can you do that someone else can't?
9. How long would you like to stay with us?
10. What are your future goals?
Imagine if every time you met a family member, they could forget about what you mean to them and really listen to the answers you give. Listen to the you that you are today, not the person they remember from before.
Imagine what would happen if you got that second chance, that only chance, to make a first impression.
No comments:
Post a Comment